I’ve been doing my best to check social media only once a day. Mainly because mindless scrolling is not only a huge time-waster for me, but also because it feeds my anxiety. I’ve been mostly doing a good job of this, and I’m definitely noticing a difference in my mood and my productivity– highly recommend if you’re also finding yourself in a bit of a funk.
Anyway, part of my daily check is looking at my Facebook “memories” because I’m a sucker for nostalgia, especially now that I’m a mom. Two years ago today, I was 5 months postpartum with my first daughter. We were entering swimsuit season, and I decided to go to a pool party in one of my bikinis, despite feeling self-conscious about my new mom bod.
Somebody at this party made a less-than-kind comment about the way that I looked, and at first, I was crushed. I felt ashamed and like I maybe shouldn’t have even gotten into the pool in the first place.
But then I looked at my daughter. I imagined her twenty-some-odd years down the road. I imagined what I might tell her if she were in my shoes. And it definitely wasn’t what I was saying to myself in that moment.
Then I got angry. At first, my anger was directed at the person who made the comment, but then it blossomed into righteous anger at an entire system that benefits from people, namely women, feeling hatred for their bodies. Two years ago today, that anger pushed me to write this poem:
My body
Created human life
From scratch
With love
.
My body
Alone
Nourishes and sustains
That human life.
.
My body
Is proudly polka-dotted
With stretch marks,
Tiger stripes
.
My body:
A little more to love,
A little more to handle
Love handles
.
My body
Will not be a roadblock,
A red light to
Making memories
.
My body
Will not tolerate
One ounce of self-hate,
No sliver of shame
.
My body
Is a miracle,
Made
A miracle
.
My body
Is a celebration
Of life
And love
.
My body
Will be loved
So my daughter
Can one day feel
Free to love
Her body.
And after having two babies in two years, I really needed to see that. Despite all the work I do to try to love my body as it is, doubt creeps up often. When I see pictures of myself, my first thought is sometimes: “Oh, gosh, look at my double-chin.” I feel self-conscious about my belly, about my clothing sizes, about my body that is now the biggest it’s ever been, despite the fact that I now eat more nutritiously and move my body more than I ever have in the past.
Still, I will continue to do the work. I will continue to live and love myself inside this body. I will continue to make memories with my babies even when my body doesn’t conform to societal expectations. Because I needed that role model, and I’m going to strive to be that role model for my girls.
I have a very strong-willed two year old, and I sometimes joke that God gave me her to humble me and let me know that I’m far from a perfect parent. While she is incredibly smart and has the most infectious laugh, she feels things hard.
We were at a funeral this weekend for a family member, and homegirl had not had a single nap for two days in a row, and we had been traveling, visiting, and exposing her to new-to-her people all weekend. Needless to say, she was not in the best of moods at the funeral service.
Despite the fact that everyone was kind about it, I kept catching myself trying to explain away her tantrums and mood swings. “She’s just super sensitive and strong-willed,” was a constant refrain that day. And while those things are true, that description leaves out all the strengths those attributes give her too.
Like the fact that she saw her aunt crying that day, and, without prompting, went to hug her and said, “Aw, it’s okay.”
Like the fact that she knows the exact moment someone needs to hear the words “I love you.”
Like the fact that her determination and independence serve her well every single day.
My own tenacity and sensitivity often made me feel inferior as a young girl and into my teens. I remember hearing, “You’re such a baby” and “Can you tone it down a bit?” frequently. I remember feeling like crying meant weakness. I remember feeling like children, and girls especially, were supposed to just go with the flow and not question anyone in authority, regardless of whether what they were doing was right or wrong.
I don’t want my daughter receiving these same messages, whether implicitly or explicitly, from her peers, her family, and least of all, me.
So here’s to my kind, brave, strong, smart first-born:
To My Strong-Willed Girl
Know that despite My occasional frustration, I’m so proud to call you Mine
I hope you never Feel ashamed to Be seen, Be heard
Know that when I call you “A hot mess,” it’s with love, And I wouldn’t have it Any other way
I hope you never Lose that spark That you always laugh hard And love harder
Know that when I’m exasperated It’s because I see myself in you And I know it’s not easy To feel so deeply, so intensely
I hope you never Change just because Somebody tells you You’re too much
Know that You make me A better person and mother Every day
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In this life, some things are unavoidable. You know, death, taxes, and toddler tantrums– just to name a few.
Tantrums are shame-inducers for many parents because we’ve bought into the perception that our kid throwing a fit somehow makes us bad parents, but in reality tantrums are necessary for brain development and therefore serve a very important purpose (you can read more about your toddler’s brain during tantrums here). And while, yes, we want to minimize tantrums, we also want to validate our toddlers’ emotions and help them learn to work through those big feelings.
To me, the most tempting thing to do when our toddler is in full-on tantrum mode is to take out a phone or turn on the TV and pull up a video, but another tantrum is inevitable when the video has to eventually be turned off, and as I wrote in my last post, Why We Quit Cocomelon, we’ve also been making a conscious effort to cut screen time – one of the main reasons being that there seems to be a correlation between the amount of screen time our toddler gets and the amount of tantrums she has.
So we had to figure out a way in which we could help our toddler “reset” from a tantrum without a screen and direct her energy and focus toward being creative and engaging in play. I also get some, “Well, what do you do with her if you don’t watch TV?” And these activities are also great for general boredom, which we all know can be a cause of tantrums.
We’ve tried out many different screen-free tantrum resets with various levels of success, but here are some of the easiest and most engaging options I’ve found.
Give toys a bath
This is one of my favorites because it’s so easy, keeps our 2-year-old completely engaged for a long time, and is essentially mess-free. I just put down a towel and fill a pan with soapy water, sponges, and some plastic toys and say, “Oh, no! Your toys are dirty! Can you come give them a bath?” This activity is always one that will keep her attention for about 20-30 minutes (sometimes longer!), and I love listening to the way she pretends with her toys while she’s “bathing” them– so cute!
I usually like to do this on a towel or in the bathtub, but sometimes it happens at the table, and I just deal with the water mess afterward and tell myself at least then I know the table is clean. This activity is engaging and great for scooping skills. When we’re done, we dump the pom poms in a pillowcase, tie it off, and throw it in the dryer for about 15 minutes, and they’re good as new!
In case you’re wondering, we lovethese placemats that my mother-in-law got for us– so useful and super easy to clean! They’re also a great conversation starter for our toddler at mealtimes.
Feed the ____.
Here’s another pom pom activity that can bring 30+ minutes of fun in our house. I saw this on Pinterest around Halloween time, so it was “Feed the pumpkin,” but you could make it almost anything, as long as you can draw its face/mouth. I made one on an old coffee creamer bottle and one on a tin coffee canister. While our toddler loves both of them, the smaller opening on the coffee creamer bottle requires a little more coordination, but the coffee canister can be easily opened and dumped without assistance, so she can play over and over without the added frustration of needing to call for help from an adult.
Magnets on cookie sheet
This one is always a big hit with our 2-year-old and every other toddler that ever comes to our house. We use these magnetic letters typically, but any magnets will work. I will say that, as a parent and former teacher, I do sometimes have to resist temptation to make it a “learning” activity. I know logically that young toddlers learn more through play rather than direct instruction, but it can be difficult to let that go. Try to remember to just let them play independently, rather than trying to micromanage *cough* I mean, teach.
Paper pieces craft
We originally did this one as a Valentine’s craft, but our toddler loved it so much that we now do it with all sorts of different shapes. I have a little plastic bag with construction paper pieces always at the ready. It’s great practice for gluing and sticking, and the final product is always so cute!
Oobleck
Okay, this one is a *little*messy and does require a bit more prep, but I’m not exaggerating when I tell you my two year old will play with this stuff, independently, for upwards of an hour, so to me, it’s well worth the hassle. It’s just a 2:1 ratio of cornstarch (you can buy it in bulk here for super cheap) and water. You can add some fun by mixing in some food coloring with the water before combining with the cornstarch. Oobleck is a non-Newtonian substance which means it has properties of both a liquid and a solid, and is super fun to play with (even for the adults around). It does look messy, but everything washes off super easily with just a little water. We like to do this outside if we can, and I usually keep a container of water and a washcloth nearby when we have Oobleck days to easily wipe little hands. While Oobleck is definitely not a clean activity, it looks way messier than it is, and clean-up is so easy. And this is taste-safe (note my kid’s green mouth), which is always a plus when you’ve got a toddler who likes to put everything in her mouth.
You can really prolong the activity by having the toys take a bath AFTER oobleck for fun and easy clean-up.
Plain ol’ coloring OR Markers on laminated sheet
In the age of Pinterest and Instagram when we can constantly see other moms doing out-of-the-box, creative activities with their kids, it’s easy to forget that simple things, like just coloring, still exist. However, there is nothing that can serve as a quicker calm-down activity for our toddler than coloring. Sometimes we find free printable coloring sheets online, but I got tired of buying printer ink so often and decided to use my laminator on a few coloring pages, and more often than not, we just give her one of the laminated sheets and some washable markers to color. I simply rinse the laminated page in the sink, and it’s good to go for the next time– this has saved us lots of time…and printer ink.
We also got one of these giant coloring pages for my daughter’s birthday party, and she was still wanting to color on it for weeks afterward.
PS. I was gifted this laminator by my husband’s aunt when I was a teacher, and I’m obsessed with it. I use it all the time for preserving papers that little hands can easily bend–everything from crafts to board game cards have been laminated in our house. I also made a cheap fillable calendar with just a piece of paper and my laminator.
So, what do we do with our kids if we don’t watch (much) TV? The answer is usually play. From years of research, we know toddlers learn best when we let them explore and use their natural curiosity (i.e. play), so I’ve been intentional about providing an environment that’s set up to encourage independent play. However, there are times when we need a reset, and there are times that necessitate shaking things up to combat any boredom, and that’s where these activities come in – they are a tool, not a norm.
Have any favorite screen-free activities? Let me know in the comments or shoot me an email! I’d love to hear from you.
Screen time is perhaps one of the biggest shame triggers for today’s parents. So many of us are constantly faced with things that make giving our toddlers our undivided attention pretty much impossible, and when a moment of quiet is needed, turning on the TV is often the easiest and most effective way to keep our kids occupied. Most of us also know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screens until 2 and that screen time should be limited each day, with specific limits based on age, but for many parents, following those recommendations isn’t always practical, and in some cases, it’s nearly impossible.
When parents decide to expose their baby to television for the first time, there’s not typically much thought put into what exactly is being shown. I mean obviously there’s a big difference between showing your kid Texas Chainsaw Massacre and showing them Daniel Tiger, but I’d wager that most people pull up Netflix, select the Kids profile, and just pick whatever is most popular. That’s what we did.
Enter Cocomelon.
I will admit that we used to be hugeCocomelon fans. It kept our toddler entertained which helped us get stuff done. It kept her quiet on long car rides. She was learning songs. She could even identify all the different characters by name at 15 months old. While we obviously knew it was screen time and that screen time should be limited, we thought it was at least a good use of screen time.
Sure, she’d scream when we turned it off. Sure, it was sometimes the only thing that could stop tantrums. Sure, she’d wake up in the middle of the night sometimes crying for “Coco.” Sure, she’d get up yelling “JJ! JJ!” almost every morning by 5am. But we thought this was all normal toddler stuff.
My husband and I aren’t typically big TV-watchers (during the day anyway), so our oldest daughter was never really exposed to much screen time until she became more mobile and we started needing to keep her entertained and safe (ya know, since mobile babies have no sense of self-preservation and have a tendency to get into or on top of anything and everything if they aren’t occupied). So when she was around 9 months, we started letting her watch Cocomelon daily. Again, we knew that screen time was not recommended for kids as young as she was, but, hey, we’ve all got to survive. I needed to make dinner. I needed to get work done. I needed something to keep her occupied and out of trouble. I needed time at dinner to talk and connect with my husband without my kid screaming at me. So out came the iPad, and on came the TV. I knew that these were not sustainable habits, but it seemed like if it was something that we were just doing occasionally, it wouldn’t have too much of an impact.
By the time our daughter was 15 months, we were able to cut the screens at mealtimes, but throughout the day and during our bedtime routine, it was what we relied on to help keep her occupied and calm (maybe “entranced” is a better word). We couldn’t be in the car for more than 10 minutes without her screaming unless we had Cocomelon playing on one of our phones. We even went so far as to screen record 40 minutes of an episode on one of our iPads so that, on longer car trips, we wouldn’t need to use the internet connection from our phones and there wouldn’t be any ads that she couldn’t skip. It seemed like she couldn’t sit still through a diaper change without Cocomelon on the TV or one of our phones. We couldn’t get her dressed in the mornings or into pajamas at bedtime without it either. It didn’t help that I was pregnant and exhausted and just wanted some peace and quiet throughout the day. To make matters worse, she’d sometimes wake up in the middle of the night demanding to watch Cocomelon, (before you ask, yes, we tried letting her “cry it out,” but she is so strong-willed that she would cry for over an hour until we’d go in and get her) and the only thing that could calm her down was watching “JJ” in our bed until she fell back to sleep eventually.
Then her screen time went through the roof when the new baby came. Our oldest was 18 months old when her sister was born, so in order to keep her from climbing on the furniture, getting into things she shouldn’t be, or otherwise putting herself in harm’s way while I was nursing, changing, and caring for our new baby, I turned on the TV. We would try shows other than Cocomelon from time to time (mostly when I felt like I’d literally lose my mind if I had to hear those songs again), but nothing else seemed to keep her happy for too long, so I shrugged and thought, Well, if she likes it, whatever.
A few months before my daughter would turn two, a friend of mine sent me an Instagram profile, @jerricasannes. Upon first looking at her profile, she seemed a bit…extreme? I mean, I didn’t think it was possible that any kids’ shows could be that bad for a baby. Then I started reading her posts more closely and realized that she was hitting the nail right on the head when it came to my baby and screen time, and more specifically, my baby and Cocomelon.
As I browsed Sannes’s Instagram page, I watched her story highlight titled “Cocomelon,” where she points out that scene changes occur every 2 seconds in most Cocomelon videos. I thought, No way–all of them do that? Honestly, I’d never really sat down and watched it. It was mostly just background noise for me while I got things done. But I looked up multiple different songs, and sure enough, almost every single scene change happens within 2-3 seconds in each video I watched. And after my own mini-experiment, I felt incredibly overstimulated, so I could only imagine what it was doing to my toddler’s much less mature brain.
In her post about Cocomelon, Sannes writes, “Cocomelon is so hyper-stimulating that it actually acts as a drug, a stimulant. The brain receives a hit of dopamine from screen-time, and it seems that the stronger the “drug” (aka the level of stimulation a show delivers), the stronger the “hit”. This leads to 1) young children experiencing very real symptoms of addiction and withdrawal, obviously leaving them completely dysregulated, and 2) a general discomfort in the speed of everyday life.” After reading that post, I realized that my toddler was quite literally addicted to Cocomelon and decided we needed to do something about it.
After seeing that Jerrica Sannes has a website (raisewildflowers.com), I decided to check it out and found that she has a ton of research about screen time linked, the most startling of which links excessive screen time to children presenting symptoms of both autism and ADHD. My children are genetically predisposed to both autism and ADHD, so that convinced me all the more that we needed to make a change with regard to screen time. On Sannes’s website, she also has a FREE TV detox course that takes you through how to replace excessive screen time with unstructured play. My favorite thing about her message is that she recognizes that parents have a lot going on and doesn’t advocate for mothers and fathers to be constantly available to and/or playing with their kids; rather, she instructs parents to “do less” by providing a safe environment that invites unstructured play, which is what we know, from years and years of research, is the way kids learn.
We decided to cut Cocomelon (and other hyper-stimulating shows)out completely, and while the first 48 hours or so were rough, it was so worth it. At first, we weren’t being super stringent on drastically cutting down the amount of time she spent in front of a screen; we were simply cutting out Cocomelon and switching it up with shows like If You Give a Mouse a Cookie and Bluey, both of which are recommended by Sannes as better shows for kids (you can read about her scoring process here). However, switching to these shows that aren’t highly stimulating worked to also cut down her screen time all together since she wasn’t so hyperfocused on the screen and would wander off away from the TV to go play. Yes, she still had lots of “JJ” tantrums throughout those first weeks, and the first two days especially, but she is now a much calmer and happier toddler. Yes, she still has tantrums and sometimes struggles with transitions, but she’s two, so that’s developmentally appropriate. She does not, however, wake up in the middle of the night or in the very early morning screaming for “JJ!” or “Coco!”. She sleeps better. She’s motivated to play independently. And best of all, she rarely asks for TV at all.
The skeptic in me told me that maybe some of the positive results like fewer tantrums and better focus were just byproducts of her getting a little bit older, but time after time, I continue to see a correlation between the amount of screen time she gets and the amount of negative behaviors she exhibits. If, for whatever reason, she gets too much TV/screen time on any given day, without fail, she will have multiple tantrums that night and sometimes even into the next day, and she is less motivated to play on her own. We always end up having to do a “detox” of sorts to get her regulated again.
I have to admit, we don’t follow all of the recommendations in the TV Detox course to the letter, mostly because I don’t have the time, energy, or money to put into buying all “Montessori” toys, but we have created a space that is more inviting for play, and we started a book and toy rotation which has seemed to really help with our daughter’s engagement in independent play.
I must also be clear that we have not cut out screen time completely, nor is that what Sannes recommends in her course; rather, we’ve replaced overstimulating shows with more high-quality screen time. You can read more about what shows qualify as “high-quality” screen time here, but essentially, you’re looking for natural colors (rather than saturated primary colors), at least 4 seconds between scene changes, and shows without multiple different sounds and effects being used simultaneously. So…pretty much the exact opposite of everything that Cocomelon is.
Currently, we’ve cut our screen time down to 15-25 minutes a day, most days, and we try to have two completely screen-free days a week. If you asked me a few months ago, I probably would’ve said a screen-free day would be absolutely out of the question if I were going to be able to get anything done, but I’m happy to say it is possible. Your toddler should be playing without the constant need to be entertained by another person or a screen, and setting up the right kind of environment and establishing good screen time habits has helped our toddler be able to do just that.
My aim in writing this is not to shame parents who do let their little ones watch Cocomelon; rather, it is to show that if you notice a problem and want to try cutting out Cocomelon and/or cutting down on screen time in general to see if it has any positive effect, it can be done. My little Cocomelon addict went from upwards of 3 hours of screen time each day to mere minutes, if any, each day. I’m so proud of how far my girl has come, and cutting down drastically on screen time has really shifted the way in which I see my child– we can connect more meaningfully during quiet times and meals without constant stimulation from a screen, and I’m not constantly anticipating her tantrums when I have to turn the TV off or the iPad dies.
What started out as a little experiment to see how Cocomelon affected my child turned into a complete lifestyle change that has benefited our whole family. I never could’ve expected to see the kind of change I did in my oldest daughter after simply cutting out a television show. The best part is: it doesn’t take any extra work from me because she’s now playing independently, and she’s learning and growing in the way toddlers are meant to—through unstructured play and exploration.
A few weekends back, I went shopping. There was a time in my life when shopping was fun and exciting, but as a mom who’s spent most of the past two years being pregnant, it is less so these days.
After weeks of trying to squeeze into my clothes that had fit me pre-baby number one, pre-pandemic, and pre-baby number two, I decided it was time to find some new clothes in which I could feel both comfortable and confident.
Prior to this outing, I could not tell you the last time I had been shopping in an actual mall. It was also the first time we’d taken our two girls out shopping in this capacity, so it was really an adventure for us all *insert eye roll here*. So not only was I uncomfortable because I was trying on clothes in a cramped dressing room, but I could also hear my 2-year-old shrieking out in the store which, as you might guess, is not super relaxing for anyone within earshot.
I’m barely 5 feet tall, and up until my first year of teaching, I could comfortably fit in a size 2 or 4 jeans, and that number steadily increased as I entered a high-stress job, got married, had kids, and just aged. As I discussed in my post A Letter to My Body, I’ve been doing a lot of work to unlearn the fatphobia that has been with me ever since I can remember. Still, I did not want to go up to “double digits” in pants sizes, since I’ve been at a comfortable 8 for a couple of years, and it just felt so final for whatever silly reason. However, I decided that I was going to buy myself some things that fit me comfortably, regardless of what the size on the tag said.
We decided to go to Old Navy first, as it seemed like a safe choice since they have a wide range of sizes and styles for our whole family. I picked clothes off the racks, piling them over my arm until it felt more like a workout than a shopping trip, while my husband pushed our girls through the store in the stroller. I had absolutely no clue what size I’d wear anymore, so I was going based solely on how the garment looked. I picked out clothes ranging from small to XXL, and went back into the into the dressing room hopeful that something would fit.
I was eager to try on one specific shirt because it was adorable and on mega-sale (I’m talking $3), but the only size they had left was small. I knew it was a long shot, but it was a shirt that’s supposed to fit loosely, so I thought, Why not? And to my surprise, it fit perfectly. I was super jazzed and feeling pretty great about myself. Then I tried on some jeans. I had grabbed a size 12 because my brain convinced me I’d feel better about myself when they were too big for me, but the problem was…I couldn’t even button them, so I was back to feeling crappy again. I decided to go for the safe bets next, and found about a dozen blouses and dresses that I loved, ranging from mediums to larges. The last thing on the rack I had yet to try on was a cute yellow sun dress. I picked it off of the clearance rack even though it was an XXL because it was on sale, and I thought at worst it’d be too big for me, and I’d have to put it back. When I could barely get it over my head, I knew it was a no-go. I stood there, buttons gaping, and couldn’t help but laugh hysterically (hopefully no one else in the dressing room was traumatized by my cackling). In what world do I fit perfectly in one shirt marked “Small,” fit loosely in a dress marked “Large,” but bust out of another garment marked “XXL?” And how does a pair of size 10 jeans in one brand fit loosely, but a 12 in another is way too small? None of it is standardized. None of it makes any logical sense. So why have I been feeling any type of way about myself, good or bad, when the sizes and numbers fluctuate and change?
I went into this shopping trip looking for some clothes that fit me (and I did get a nice haul!), but I came out with a new resolve: Women’s sizes are truly pointless, and I’m no longer going to let some arbitrary letters or numbers on a tag dictate how I feel about myself.
In case you need it, here’s your sign:
Go out.
Get some clothes that fit.
Give yourself some grace.
And carry yourself with such confidence that you turn heads.
The aforementioned Small XL- the large could hardly fit over my shouldersMedium- I was swimming in the largeMedium (and fits perfectly). PS I bought this dress in every color they had because I loved it so much. I don’t pass up cute dresses with pockets. Also, don’t mind the wrinkles.
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When I got pregnant with my first baby, my husband and I were both teachers. We knew raising a child could be a financial strain, especially on two teachers’ salaries, so we wanted to find ways to cut costs wherever we could. We also knew that disposable diapers can be a huge expense for parents, so after looking into it, we found that cloth diapering could be a smart money move for our new family.
Luckily for us, my brother and his wife have used cloth diapers with three of their children, so they were a wonderful resource for us when we were first starting out. I had so many questions, and I very much wanted to make cloth diapering work. I realize that not everyone has that type of support though, so I’m hoping this post can help you out if you’re interested in or new to the cloth diapering game but a little overwhelmed by all that it can entail.
I want to take a moment here to say that we do not cloth diaper 100% of the time. We use disposables for night time and when we take long trips. And whenever it gets too overwhelming, we take a break. This is part of what makes cloth diapering simpler for us, and I think that not having an all-or-nothing mindset when it comes to cloth diapering has helped us to be successful with it. So if cloth diapering is something you’re interested in, but you don’t feel like you can do it all day every day, that’s okay. You can still definitely save money by cloth diapering only part time.
The names of different cloth diaper types used to really intimidate me, but it’s all actually not all that complicated. You can find tons of posts explaining the different kinds of cloth diapers currently on the market, but I’m going to stick to pocket diapers and covers with prefolds because those are what has worked well for my family in trying to cloth diaper as simply as possible. There are lots of different diaper combos (and certainly more expensive brands), and wash routines that work well for many families; however, we’ve found these are the products and routines that work for us.
1. Pocket diapers
Pocket diapers are what some people call the “modern cloth diaper.” These are an easy option because they function much like a disposable diaper in that there’s no folding or special pins; you simply adjust the rise and waist buttons to fit your baby. If your baby goes to a daycare or your partner is on the fence about cloth diapering, pocket diapers are probably your best bet. Pocket diapers are named as such because they have an opening in the back of the diaper into which you stuff an absorbent insert, usually made of microfiber, bamboo, hemp, cotton, or charcoal. The two brands we use the most are Alvababy and Wegreeco.
Alvababy pocket diapers have lasted us two years now with no noticeable wear or damage. They do come with microfiber inserts which is not my favorite material since they can be prone to compression leaks if you have a heavy wetter. Our first daughter has used these diapers for almost 2 years with no issues, but our second daughter is a heavy wetter and does not do as well with the microfiber inserts. The nice thing about the Alvababy packs we got was that they came with 6 diapers and 12 inserts, so if you need to double stuff, you can, and then you have extras on hand if needed. Like I said, I don’t love the inserts that come with these, but the diapers themselves are top notch and have the cutest designs! Bonus: you can get most Alvababy packs for under $40, and even some for under $30! Click here to check out Alvababy baby diapers on Amazon.
These are some of my favorite Alvababy pocket diaper prints from our collection
Wegreeco pocket diapers are my new favorite. They come with bamboo inserts, which I’ve found to be much more absorbent. We’ve been using these pocket diapers for almost 6 months now, and they are holding up just as well as any of the other brands we’ve used. Some things I love about Wegreeco diapers is that they come in at less than $40 per pack and come with a travel wet bag, so you can cut out that extra expense if you’re planning to use cloth diapers at daycare or while you’re out and about. Click here to check out Wegreeco diapers.
These are some of my favorite Wegreeco pocket diaper prints from our collection
2. and 3. Diaper Covers and Prefolds
Diaper covers with prefolds are honestly my favorite type of cloth diaper. I wish I wouldn’t have been so intimidated by them in the beginning because they’re really not very complicated; however, they’re definitely not as easy to deal with for other caregivers, so this is something to keep in mind if your babies go to daycare. What I love most about diaper covers is that most come with double gussets which is a game changer for heavy wetters. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had either of our kids leak out of one of these diapers. The covers we use look much like the pocket diapers from the outside, but they’re just the water resistent PUL lining (polyurethane laminate), without the microsuede pocket. You have to use preflats, prefolds (what we use), or some other absorbent material inside the diaper cover. Another big positive for me in using this diaper combo is that if the diaper cover itself isn’t soiled, you can usually just replace the prefold and use the cover again–less diaper laundry is always a win in my book.
Pictured here are the cover and prefold side-by-side before and after getting it ready to put on baby:
Our favorite diaper covers are from BabyGoal. Their packs are under $30, super cute, feature double gussets, and each set comes with a travel wet bag. Click here to check them out.
We love the OSOCozy brand for prefolds. They’re super durable and don’t hold odors.
Pro-tip: If you choose to use disposable diapers while you travel, using a diaper cover over a disposable diaper is a great way to prevent any blowouts, leaks, and any other diaper-related mishaps while traveling.
Pictured here are a diaper cover with a prefold (left) and a pocket diaper with an insert (right).
4. Small wet bags for diaper bag
These are a diaper bag essential for cloth diapering. Toss one into your bag each time you head out or send your baby to a sitter. These Alvababy wet bags work really well, and do a great job of keeping odors to a minimum, but depending on what brand of cloth diapers you buy, you may not need to buy travel wet bags separately.
5. Pail liner
These are basically just big wet bags that you put inside whichever pail or hamper you decide to use. These are also just nice to have on hand, especially when you travel (even without cloth diapers) because you can use them as laundry bags as well. We use and love these Alvababy pail liners.
6. Diaper pail or hamper
Just like it is with disposables, you’ll need something to keep dirty diapers in that won’t stink up your entire house. We use the Dekor Plus Hands-Free Diaper Pail. It’s super easy to change out the pail liner on laundry days, and it keeps odors to a minimum. Some people use regular laundry hampers with a lid, though, which could certainly be a cheaper option.
7. Diaper Detergent
Unless you already use a powder laundry detergent, you will likely have to use a different laundry detergent for cloth diapers than what you currently use on your clothes. Lots of people use Tide original powder for cloth diapers, but we love Rockin’ Green Dirty Diaper detergent. One package lasts us at least a month and a half to two months, and we currently have two babies in cloth diapers. We’ve never had a problem with retained odors, and it’s never caused any irritation on either of our girls.
8. Drying rack
While you certainly can put all parts of these cloth diapers in the dryer, it is recommended to hang dry diaper covers and pockets to preserve the elastic and PUL lining. Luckily, they air dry super quickly because of the material, and they are almost always completely dry before our inserts and prefolds are finished in the dryer. We use a small foldable drying rack like this one, but I’ve seen a lot of people use hanging racks with clips like the one in this link, which can be a really nice space-saving option if you have the set up for it.
9. Storage
Depending on your living situation, there are lots of different options for storage. We usethis rolling cart for diaper storage and love it! It’s easy to just roll it with me wherever I’m stuffing diapers after laundering and put them straight on the cart. These rolling carts are also just super versatile, so we can totally use it for something else once our kids are all out of diapers. Click hereto check out the rolling cart we use.
Wash Routine and Extras
Our wash routine is very simple. We wash one cycle in hot water, and a second cycle in cold, both cycles get an extra rinse. To dry, we put inserts and prefolds in the dryer, and hang covers and pockets on the drying rack. Some people recommend more intense washing cycles and checking your water hardness, etc., but in the almost two years we’ve been cloth diapering, we’ve lived in three different houses, with three different washers, and we’ve never had a single issue with this wash routine. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
If you want to do cloth wipes, they are an eco-friendly and cheap option. We were gifted some Bumkins flannel wipes, but if you have extra flannel receiving blankets, cutting those into squares works just as well! To wet the wipes, we use Baby Bits wipe solution. You can store your wipes wet or dry. Since we only use cloth wipes every once in a while, we keep the wipes dry and keep the solution in a spray bottle to use when needed.
I’m often asked, “But what do you do with poop? Isn’t that gross?”
I’d hate to be the one to tell you, but if you have a baby, you’re going to have to deal with poop, regardless of your choice to use cloth diapers or disposable diapers. As far as poop in cloth diapers goes, if your baby is exclusively breastfed, their poop is water soluble, and nothing special needs to be done—you just throw it into the wet bag or diaper pail with everything else. Once baby starts solids, or if they’re formula fed, just knock solids into the toilet. Sometimes for poops that are not-so solid, we’ll use this diaper sprayer as well, but it’s definitely not a necessity.
If you’re interested in cloth diapers or new to the cloth diapering game, I hope this was helpful for you. Feel free to leave any questions in the comments or hit me up on Instagram @theanxiousmom.diaries!
Here’s our littlest fluff butt (ft one sockless foot) in a BabyGoal cover and OsoCozy Prefold
“There’s no medal for giving birth unmedicated, you know.”
If I had a dime for every time I got this response from well-meaning people when I shared that I wanted to have an intervention-free birth, well…I’d have at least, like, $1.10, but it’s still enough to be frustrating, annoying, and invalidating.
When I got pregnant with my first baby, I read and watched anything I could get my hands on in order to prepare for the birth. I have a very all-or-nothing personality, and I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, so I spent hundreds of hours scouring the internet and our local library in order to figure out all I could about birthing and parenting.
I decided that I wanted to have an unmedicated birth. While I know it’s not for everyone, it just seemed like the best decision for me. And even now, I have to stop myself from trying to justify my reasoning for this birth preference, but “It seems like the best decision for me” is reason enough. Always.
With my husband on board, I proudly took this birth preference to my provider. My “I would like to try to give birth unmedicated,” was met with a smirk and a “We’ll see.” While I could harp on myself and point to this as the red-flag moment that should’ve pushed me to change providers, the fact is that I didn’t. I stayed with her. Like so many expectant first-time moms, I was nervous about my baby’s health and so stressed thinking about my job, work coverage for my maternity leave, preparing our home for a new baby… the list is neverending. And, honestly, I’m a very assertive person, and I knew I had my husband in my corner. I never thought that I could be taken advantage of, nor did I believe any provider would make any decisions out of anything other than concern for me or my baby.
I had been telling my provider for a couple of weeks that I was fairly certain that my baby was upside down (breech), but after feeling my belly multiple times, my doctor dismissed my concerns. Still, I knew something was off. At my 35 week appointment, I started contracting, and I was still adamant that my baby was breech, so before putting me on a monitor for these contractions, my provider pulled in a bedside ultrasound machine in an effort to quell my fears. When the machine clearly confirmed my suspicions, I started to panic. Though this is not the norm everywhere in the world, most doctors in US hospitals will not deliver a breech baby vaginally, so I knew if I was in labor and the baby was breech, I’d certainly be heading for an operating table.
I will spare you the full story, partially because it’s long and partially because it’s very emotionally taxing for me to recount. What I will tell you is that I ended up delivering my baby that day, at 35 weeks and 3 days gestation, via c-section. The surgery went about as well as it could’ve gone. I became nauseated and vomited post-op, but I had no major complications. But the scar on my lower abdomen was not the only one the experience left behind. I did not get to see my baby right away. I did not get to hold my baby right away. I did not get to nurse my baby right away. Lying helpless on an operating table with my arms strapped down, my body still longed for her in a way that was so intense and so foreign to me up until that point. I know now that this is biology’s way of keeping babies safe, that the mother has this instinctual need to nourish and protect her baby from birth and the fact that I was not given the opportunity to do so with my first baby still brings me to tears nearly two years later.
We stayed in the hospital for 6 long days, which included a NICU stay for our baby. It was an experience that I would not wish on anyone. While there were some fantastic nurses there during our stay, the ones who were less-than-kind are the ones who stick in my mind. We had to fight tooth and nail for and were given so much grief about our requests that our baby not be bottle fed formula or given a pacifier. Despite their assurances that our baby’s NICU care could be done in our room, they ended up taking her because the nurse on duty at the time “didn’t feel like” going out to a patient’s room. My wishes and concerns were dismissed at every turn, during my pregnancy and our hospital stay.
I knew from the moment we left the hospital with my first baby that I’d be trying for an unmedicated VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) if we were lucky enough to get pregnant with a second child, and all I could do was hope and pray that it was a better experience than the first time around.
Now, I have to pause here to tell you that all of this is not to say that I am ungrateful that my first baby came into the world safely, after all was said and done. However, when people asked how I was and I lamented that the birth experience was not at all what I had hoped for, I was met with refrains of “All that matters is that she’s here and healthy.”
As if that’s all I could expect.
As if my emotional and physical wellbeing did not matter.
As if feeling properly cared for and listened to by my provider and hospital staff would just be way too much to ask.
And as I got to thinking about it over my first few months postpartum with my first daughter, I started to realize that “All you should care about is a safe, healthy baby” is perhaps the first time mothers are encouraged to put our baby’s needs before our own at any cost. While mothering does go hand-in-hand with sacrifice, it shouldn’t mean that the mother becomes a doormat who should have no hopes, dreams, or even preferences of her own.
We found out we were pregnant with our second baby just 9 months after our first was born, so they are 18 months (and a few days) apart. 12-18 months between pregnancies is the minimum amount of time between births that’s generally recommended for a VBAC, so I felt good about pursuing it.
By this time, we had moved back to my hometown, which is about four hours away from where we had our first daughter. I was so excited to have a new doctor and, hopefully, an entirely different experience. I joined a VBAC support group online, and everyone there recommended having a doula. We cloth diaper and breastfeed, but a doula sounded a little too crunchy, even for me. However, the more I looked into it, the more I knew that having an experienced advocate this time around would be incredibly helpful and maybe even essential if I wanted this birth to go better than the first. (I’ll add here that my birth doula was 100% essential. I don’t think I will ever want to give birth or go through pregnancy again without her. Honestly, I could dedicate an entire blog post to how wonderful she was and how amazing it is to have someone knowledgeable in your corner. If you’re in the Southwest Indiana region, check out Doula Group of Evansville).
The doctor I had originally decided to use for the birth of my second child was one I was familiar and comfortable with as I’d been in her care as a young adult before moving away. I was excited to see her and share with her my hopes for a VBAC and thought she’d be supportive. While she was not downright against my having a VBAC, she told me I should “mentally prepare for another c-section” which just didn’t sit right with me. After getting a list of recommended doctors from my doula, I decided on a female physician about an hour away who’s had three of her own VBAC births.
I felt so proud of the decisions I’d made and the birth team I’d decided on, and I was eager to share about my plans when people asked. So when I was met with almost nothing but negativity from so many people, I was truly shocked.
“Oh, that’s way too hard. I tried to go without the epidural and couldn’t do it.”
“I gave birth in 1988 before they were offering epidurals at my hospital. It was *awful*. I don’t know why anyone would want to put themselves through that.”
“Isn’t a vaginal birth after a c-section really dangerous? I just wouldn’t want to risk my baby’s life like that.” (By the way, the stats are in favor of VBAC over repeat c-section, as far as safety goes. You can read more about that from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists here.)
“Seems kind of silly to drive an hour away to see a doctor when you live right down the street from the OBs in town.”
“You’re paying *how much* for doula? Won’t [your husband] just help you?”
And, of course: “There’s no medal for giving birth unmedicated, you know.”
Looking back, I’m not sure why, but I was honestly astounded by the things people said to me about my own birth plan and preferences. There are so many misguided assumptions about birth in general, and especially about VBACS, so all of this shouldn’t have surprised me. For real though, how hard is it to just be like, “You sound really excited about this. Good for you! I hope all goes well!”?
I expressed my annoyance about all of this with my doula, and she gave me some of the best advice: “Choose who you let into your bubble.” She advised me to listen to the people who were supportive and not to let other people project their own fears and past experiences onto me. I tried as best as I could to follow this advice, but it wasn’t easy because it seems that the farther along you are in a pregnancy, the more people have to say about it.
Even as my husband and I were on the way to the hospital for the birth of my second baby, I received a text that read, “Remember: there’s no medal for giving birth unmedicated.” I wanted to be annoyed, but really, all I could do was laugh. I’m sitting in the passenger seat of my van on top of a towel to catch all the amniotic fluid coming out of me and *that* is what you want to say to me? Okay.
When my doula arrived at the hospital she asked how I was, and in between contractions I told her about the text I received while we were driving. She said something along the lines of, “Well, there certainly can be a medal.” We continued to talk and make jokes throughout my labor which was wonderful for a lot of reasons. One being that it took my mind off of the intensity of the contractions, and another that it helped me stay relaxed enough to do the darn thing. Throughout labor, she and my husband supported me both mentally and physically, always ready with a hip compression, joke, or a sniff of peppermint oil to stave off labor-induced nausea.
My second baby was born, via unmedicated VBAC, within just a few hours of me being admitted to the hospital, and it was one of the most euphoric experiences of my entire life. I felt powerful. I felt strong. I felt unstoppable. And I could not have done it without the support system and birth team that we built. It was an entirely different experience from my first birth, all the way from the prenatal care to postpartum recovery.
The first weeks of my second daughter’s life were definitely a bit hectic. We had an 18 month old adjusting to life with a new sibling, and transitioning from one to two kids was an adjustment for me and my husband too. However, I am so grateful that my postpartum time was not made any more difficult by my having to recover from surgery. (Kudos to you repeat c-section mamas because that has to be difficult!)
A few weeks after the birth, my doula and I had a postpartum check-in. She brought lunch and some useful gifts– including a burp cloth that I still use almost daily. We talked about postpartum life, breastfeeding, how my oldest was adjusting, and sometimes veered into completely unrelated topics, like Lizzo’s song “Coconut Oil” and some shows she recommended. Before she left, she pulled out a little box and handed it to me. I opened it to find a medal hanging from a red, white, and blue ribbon emblazoned with “WINNER”– the kind of thing you might buy at a supermarket for a peewee soccer league. Laughter overtook me, mostly because I was surprised she even remembered that comment, and tears soon after. It was just a funny gesture, but it meant so much to me because it validated my choices and my accomplishments, and every birthing person deserves that kind of support because no matter what path you decide to take, all of it– the birthing, the feeding, the mothering– is hard.
Bottom line is: whether a person wants to give birth via repeat cesarean or try for a VBAC, whether she decides to go with or without an epidural, whether she wants to give birth in her home or in the hospital, she deserves unfailing support, and she sure as hell doesn’t need any flack or negativity about the way she’s chosen to bring her baby into the world.
So for all the mamas who’ve been made to feel guilty or ashamed of the way they brought their tiny humans earth side, you did a damn good job, and I’m proud of you and all the hard work you did on your baby’s birthday and every day since. Here’s your medal; it belongs to you too.
Recently I was out and about with my girls, and honestly, going anywhere with them right now definitely resembles a circus sideshow, but that’s the general nature of two kids under two. I had one kid strapped to me, and the other kid was in full-on tantrum mode because I would not allow her to climb the shelf that was in close proximity. Someone I am acquainted with saw us and said, “Oh, hi! How are you?”
Now, I have to preface the rest of this by saying that I am fully aware this is considered a normal, polite way to greet someone; still, I literally never know how to answer this question. I think this is in part because I’m just bad at being a human who talks to people, but also because I know it’s polite to say, “Good,” and just move along, but that seems reductive and disingenuous, and I hate that.
Anyway— in answer to this question, I simply gave an exasperated shrug. She chuckled and asked, “Living the dream, right?” to which I sarcastically replied, “Oh, yeah,” and awkwardly walked away (again, bad at being a normal human). And let me tell you, I felt the shame wash over me immediately. Because although my girls might not be able to understand my conversations with other adults quite yet, they will someday soon, and I never, ever want them to feel like their existence is a burden to me.
In what is probably an unconscious effort to legitimize work that has been devalued for centuries, mothers will sometimes talk about parenting as if it’s the worst thing that has ever happened to them. If you’ve ever been a new parent, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about. When we were newly expectant parents, we constantly heard refrains of “Sleep now because you’ll never sleep again once that baby’s born” (That’s not how sleep works, Karen. Also, you will sleep again. Promise.) and, “Oh gosh, birth/breastfeeding/postpartum/potty training/literally-anything-to-do-with-raising-tiny-humans is just awful! Good luck with that.” But what these people are often not telling you is how truly awesome parenting can be. It’s like there’s some tacit agreement between moms that we can’t share the joys of motherhood, lest people think it’s easy, thereby discrediting the parts that are not-so glamorous.
And I don’t want to sugarcoat it. Being a mom is hard. It always has been, and anyone who will tell you differently has either never been a mom or they’re just straight-up lying (or maybe a masochist…?). For every generation of parents, there have been different challenges that are just products of the times, but I’d argue that today’s current climate is perhaps the toughest time in which to raise children. Sure, we have screens to distract them when they’re being tiny terrors, but we also have to combat the constant mom-guilt that comes from all directions, but chiefly from social media and the internet in general. If I’m scrolling Instagram and see a mom taking her kids to the pumpkin patch while I’m sitting on the couch nursing my baby and feeding my toddler an endless stream of veggie straws, I immediately feel like I’m shorting my kids. If I open Pinterest and see a cute craft or activity, I immediately feel ashamed that I’m not doing those things with my kids more often. Even if you don’t use social media, there are the constant news articles about any number of horrific ways your baby or toddler can be put in danger (like, did you know that postpartum hair loss can cause hair to get wrapped around any one of your baby’s tiny limbs and possibly result in amputation? Well, I did BECAUSE I LITERALLY READ A NEWS ARTICLE ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY, and now I’m feeling guilty about not checking to see if my hair got wrapped around my baby’s ankle before I put her down for the night). You honestly can’t escape it. And, yeah, there are tantrums and diaper blowouts and tears and trying to teach your kids to share and trying to defend your parenting style to anybody who has something to say about the way you’re trying to raise your own kids. It’s a never ending list. And, yes, that shit is hard.
However, along with the challenges that motherhood brings, there are also immeasurable joys that come from raising tiny humans. And, honestly, I’d endure all the challenging parts ten times over just to see the smiles on my babies’ faces. As with most things in life, motherhood is a give and take. There are so many milestones your little one will reach in time that will simultaneously break your heart and make it swell to bursting with pride. There are so many times your toddler will make you want to lose your mind, and in the next second, will have you belly-laughing ‘til you pee your pants (if you know, you know). There are days that seem so damn long and days you wish could last forever.
So in answer to those questions:
How am I doing? Great, most of the time. I mean, my girls are the literal best. They’re both so smart and funny and growing so quickly, but I did definitely just find what is either chocolate or fecal matter on the back of my knee cap AND HOW THE HELL DID THAT GET THERE? Because the last time my kid pooped was yesterday, but I don’t think she’s had chocolate today either.
Living the dream? Oh, Hell yeah. Or at least, a chapter of the dream. It won’t be like this forever, and that’s both sad and wonderful. I have a life that some people–past versions of myself, even– pray and hope for on a daily basis. And I’m not going to waste time convincing you that my job as a mother is the worst thing I’ve ever endured, and I’m not going to tell you it’s all sunshine, rainbows, baby kisses, and toddler hugs either.
What I will tell you is this: I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A few weeks ago, with the best of intentions, I decided to take my girls to the library for story time. I thought it would be a great experience for all of us. My youngest could get some time out of the house. My oldest could listen to a story, be around some other kids, and make a craft. I could get some more practice getting my two kids packed and into the car on my own.
My toddler had other plans though.
I’ll start by saying we were running late. Story time started at 10, and we started getting ready to head out at 9:30, which would’ve been way more than enough time to make the 5 minute drive to the library if my baby hadn’t decided she needed to be nursed again right now. Directly after this nursing session, she proceeded to have a mega blowout diaper which required a complete wardrobe change for both of us.
Then, as we were getting loaded into the van, my toddler decided that she’d rather play with her chalk than get in her car seat. Once I had the baby strapped in, I went to grab the toddler, who promptly decided that she was going to make a run for it. I caught her, scooped her up into my arms, and strapped her into her seat while she was kicking and screaming. I tried to calm her with, “Hey, babe, we’re going to the library! It’s going to be so much fun!” but I don’t know who I was really trying to convince, my toddler or myself.
Still I was proud that we walked into the library at 10:02. I figured there might be a little bit of a grace period considering it was an event for kids, but I thought wrong. Clearly, other people aren’t such a hot mess and can get out of their house in such a way that doesn’t resemble wrangling animals at the zoo. So the story had started, but everyone was sweet and made room for me and my girls.
As all the other kids sat calmly in their mothers’ laps listening to the story, my kid began to get up and mill through the crowd. Then she started shouting the names and sounds of the animals on the rug upon which everyone was sitting. While the other toddlers attentively watched the librarian use magnetic dinosaurs to act out the story, my kid was trying to take them from the magnet board. As the other kids and their moms sat down at tables to complete the adorable dinosaur craft, my kid was screaming at the top of her lungs and began kicking and hitting me when I tried to calm her down.
I was unbelievably embarrassed, but since we’ve entered toddlerhood, I’ve been working a lot on remaining calm while holding boundaries. Because, to me, it seems counterintuitive to lose my shit in an effort to get her to stop losing her shit. So, I kneeled down and said, “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated. That stinks. Why don’t we try to calm down and make a cool dino?” But she would have none of it, and only wanted to play with the magnets the librarian had been using previously.
At this point, after chasing around my toddler while my 2 month old baby was strapped to my chest, I was sweaty, exhausted, and moments from completely losing it. I felt like a total failure and kept asking myself, What am I doing wrong? Why is my kid the only one being difficult? Why can’t she just listen for once?
Then the librarian walked over. I expected her to maybe chide me or tell me to leave, but she said to me, “You know, she doesn’t have to make the craft. She can play with those magnets if she wants to. I made them for the kids. We have some sand I can get out, too. We also have some animal puppets if she’d like that.” What an angel.
And as the other toys came out and crafts were finished, the other kids came over to play too and their moms with them. I was dreading superior smirks and Oh-bless-your-heart smiles, but I got none of that.
Instead, one mom leaned in and said, “Don’t worry. It was my kid’s day to do all that yesterday.”
Another chimed in to say, “Yeah, really. Don’t worry about it. We all go through these kinds of days with toddlers.”
And one more added, “Mine is a terror, like, 75% of the time. We just got lucky today.”
The relief I felt upon hearing those things was almost enough to make me cry. Because it would have been so easy for these women to slip into a feeling of self-righteousness and completely ignore me or offer unsolicited advice. Instead, these women, who were complete strangers, sat with me and said We get it. You’re not alone.
This was such an incredibly pleasant surprise in an age where mom-shaming is as easy as typing out some sanctimonious comment and hitting “Send.” The wealth of information that exists at the tips of our fingers helps us as much as it hurts us when we use it to constantly evaluate and criticize other parents. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, these are some of the hardest times in which to raise children. So rather than offering advice or critiques when we see someone struggling, in real life or online, let’s try “I get it. I’ve been there,” instead.
Today, I raise my mug to the library moms. May we learn from their example.
The Anxious Mom Diaries 